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An Empowerment Story
I am someone who has always stammered. Stammering is a neurological condition that you are born with, and I always say to people, ‘forget everything you think you know about it’, because there are so many myths.
Now my stammer isn’t very noticeable but it wasn’t always like that. Looking back, I think that my stammer encouraged me to do well at school and university, essentially to prove people wrong about my abilities. However, I remember being terrified of reading aloud and avoided public speaking as I had learned to feel ashamed about moments of disfluency. My fear made my speech worse. Nerves don’t cause stammering but they can make it worse.

As I became more experienced in my subject (I am an economist), I began to lecture. I found myself comfortable as an ‘explainer’, as I could focus on what to say, rather than how I said something. Being the conduit of information put me in the spotlight in a very passive way. But as I became more senior, I had to emcee events, and had to actively think about how to engage the audience.
I’d tried various ways to ‘desensitise’ myself: books and online courses. I’d heard about Toastmasters but only joined in 2017. I remember that first walk to the club – my heart was in my mouth. Luckily, I bumped into someone else – and that person would continue to be a friend. Indeed, my 7 years of Toastmasters has been a journey of meeting amazing, inspiring people.
My initial goal had been ‘to dislike public speaking less’. And of course, somehow the unthinkable happened: I began to really enjoy public speaking. Toastmasters gave me the space to practice skills that were nothing to do with fluency as such. So I learnt about speech writing, vocal variety, use of body language etc. I got to district final in both the international speech and evaluation competitions. I became a DTM.
More than that I learnt that stammering wouldn’t make me a bad speaker – I can still be eloquent, authentic and connect to the audience. Toastmasters was so transformational that I wanted to share it. I sponsored Speechcraft and specifically called for those with speech conditions to come forward.
Over the past decade, in my spare time, I had working on supporting people who stammer in universities through guides, talks and videos. I began to support STAMMA (the British Stammering Association) who provide amazing services.
Nothing, however, had prepared me for the shock of being awarded an MBE in the 2024 New Years Honours List. Toastmasters has been so important to my journey – its helped give me the personal confidence to engage effectively. And its been one of the ways that I’ve tried to support other people who stammer.
Thank you Toastmasters – and thank to you to all the amazing Toasties out there running Speechcraft and taking up club officer roles. You are empowering others through every meeting.
Prof Deborah Johnston (PFHEA) (MBE)
Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic Framework)
London South Bank University
Image credit: Jwslubbock Wikimedia Commons: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:London_South_Bank_University_outside.jpg
2024: Relatively Clean
2024 is here. Toastmasters are putting the finishing touches on their New Year Resolutions. Each resolution includes a detailed project plan, meticulous milestones and that stubborn self-assurance that makes people dislike us.
Meanwhile the rest of the world are downloading last year’s list, that will do, thank you very much.
Me? I have one NYR: ‘I will never have my cousin Kathy over again’. Not being petty, but she overstayed her welcome … after the first minute! She took one look at my flat and instantly began praising the merits of decluttering and housecleaning, which she claimed had helped her succeed and create the life she wanted.
I thought how boring! In my fantasy life I want a male stripper cleaning up after me, but I didn’t interrupt her tidy enthusiasm, thinking she would leave it at that.
But no, she’s American and has never encountered the words, ‘subtle’ or ‘polite’. She turns to me and says, ‘Your New Year’s resolution HAS to be to clean this place up! It’s a dump!’
She continues, claiming a grubby home affects all aspects of your life, including finances and sex. I’m not sure how that works, unless bank interest rates are linked to airing your dirty laundry? As for sex, add the word ‘clean’ to it and it begins to sound like a chore.
To my utter horror she hands me a copy of ‘The Life–Changing Magic of Tidying’ (Best Seller – 13 million copies sold) and says ‘This book will change your life’. Well, it definitely changed our friendship.
I felt like giving her ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Minding Your Own Business’ (Best Seller by Sonia Aste – Gazillion Copies Sold), but I haven’t written it yet. So instead, I just complained about her to my sister, which is a lot easier. I kept thinking, ‘Two more weeks with this condescending cleaning freak?’
I’m not going to lie, there’s been a couple of ‘minor incidents’ related to being untidy. Like when a box of books fell from the top of the closet causing a slight concussion (OK, two stiches). Or the time I lost my purse, cancelled all my credit cards in a panic only to find it behind the vodka bottles.
In contrast, Kathy’s house is hyper clean and tidy. It’s so clean the ‘white glove’ test wouldn’t be allowed, unless she washed it first. This is a woman that washes her Fairy Liquid bottle! In her house even Mr. Muscle has self-doubts.
The thing is she enjoys it. I’ve heard her proclaim, ‘Housecleaning gives me a sense of accomplishment’. Accomplishment?! That’s like people that love doing their tax returns! Surely something went seriously wrong with their DNA sequence.
Besides, cleaning is sooo overrated! Look at rhinos mating. They don’t let a little mud stop them from getting on with the job, proving Kathy’s spotless suggestions just muddy the waters of pleasure.
Now take my great aunt Carmen. Her house is not yet, ‘Hoarders, Buried Alive’, but it’s in the mail. ‘Junk’ mail that is. Nevertheless, I love visiting her because she’s living proof that happiness has nothing to do with your home looking like the ‘Immaculate Conception’. (I was raised a Catholic – trust me that’s clean.)
What if I have to clutter-surf to get to her toilet? There’s comfort knowing there’s enough loo rolls for every backside in the world and sufficient bars of soap to clean at least one Glastonbury festival goer.
My great aunt went through the Spanish Civil war, so all that ‘stuff’ reassures her and gives her joy. She hoards items that were scarce in those years, like coffee, olive oil, hand grenades. A little scary, but no more terrifying than Kathy plastic coating her Chesterfield sofa ‘So it doesn’t get dirty’.
Maybe it’s just a matter of finding a middle ground. Somewhere that’s comfortable, but still leaves you with joy and happiness. Something like, ‘Keep my home relatively clean’. I’ve already started on this NYR. As a first step I’m throwing away things I don’t need. First to go ‘‘The Life–Changing Magic of Tidying’ (13 million copies sold). Minus one.
Happy New Year.
Sonia Aste is a Harvard MBA, Engineer, Meng, and a proud Toastmaster at Riverside Communicators Club. More from her on website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram
Thanks Toastmasters! Mr & Mrs DTM
Debs
I joined Toastmasters as I wanted to be able to deliver presentations to develop my own business. I was very shy and nervous at the first meeting but was made to feel very welcome. My determination to make progress led me to be one of the founder members and I soon started to take up officer roles. I have been helped by many people, but Kit offered to mentor me beyond the first few speeches and his experience was invaluable and he was so generous with his time, with me and many others. He encouraged and supported me as President and then the Area Director. Oddly, there was no spark between us – just two people helping each other. That support became much more on the break-up of my marriage, with Kit standing by me through a serious mental health crisis. Clearly Kit is an active listener as he got the message and proposed to me a couple of days after risking death whilst white water rafting in Canada. I should have used the wedding planning as an HPL project, but the outcome was better than a DTM, it was a new start to my life with someone who cherishes me.





Kit
As a 25-year TM veteran my greatest pleasure of membership comes from helping members and seeing them grow. Debs’ confidence clearly grew as she worked her way through the old “Competent Communicator” programme. As her mentor I then encouraged her and guided her through leadership opportunities: club officer roles, area director and her high-performance leadership project. One of my favourite memories is co-presenting a workshop on mentoring at a division TLI with Debs. Much of this was done while working and living in Qatar, and president of a club in Doha. Getting up at 5 to fly back for our Basingstoke club meetings was a bit of a drag. What I had paid forward came back with interest following the break-up of my marriage in the form of Debs support for me. The years of friendship through our TM membership formed a solid foundation on which we built a life partnership. However, there was one speech I was not allowed to help with: her bride speech.
A Cantankerous Christmas Carol
How’s your Christmas looking? If it’s full of sparkle and joy, please stop reading this and go sing Mariah Carey’s, ♫ All I want for Xmas is youuuuu …♫
If, on the other hand, you’re muttering, ♫All I want for Xmas is youuuuu … to shut up already with that festive cheer! ♫ this article is for you! I aim to provide top, tinselly tips, so that die-hard Scrooges (like me) can feel fully justified on being anti-Christmas!
Let’s face it, it’s been a tough year. We’ve had the cost-of-living crisis (on going), the housing crisis (on going), the Brexit-mess-crisis (all but forgotten). The plethora of strikes these past months has taken ‘industrial action’ to an industrial scale! Not to mention the government’s re-re-re-shuffle, which is like the child’s game of musical chairs, but with more tears and tantrums.
If that wasn’t enough, we face the festive season with its ‘forced to be happy’ mandate and its stupid songs that are downright deceitful!
Case example, ♫ Santa Clause is coming to Town♫
Not anymore, he’s not. Not with immigration at an all-time peak. Even if he applies for a working visa, it’s gonna take ages to process. Plus, don’t the reindeer have to go into some kind of quarantine?
Which leads to, ♫ Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer … ? ♫
Red nose? I hope it’s not Rhinophyma (aka ‘whisky nose’) and a case of drink-driving. That would be a PR disaster for Santa. Not only would Rudolph have to attend the drink-driving rehabilitation (DDRS) course (they clearly accept all kinds of animals), but children would miss out on their gifts.
Not that kids care anymore. Most of them pretend to believe in Santa so their parents won’t start crying. You tell a child, ‘Be good or Santa won’t bring you anything’, they’ll answer, ‘I’ve already ordered it through Amazon’.
Nothing is sacred! Remember those captivating Christmas carols we used to sing? Well millennials claim they’re as outdated as sending Hallmark cards (which, BTW, destroy the other Amazon).
Take, ♫ Frosty the Snowman, was a very happy guy! ♫ Today he’s having a major meltdown due to global warming.
Or, ♫ We Three Kings of Orient are, following a yonder star ♫ Following a star? For goodness sakes guys, wise-up and get a satnav.
As for Justin Bieber’s ♫ Mistletoe ♫ It’s going to be banned. Too many unwanted kisses. #MistleToo
If this sounds a bit un-Christmassy, I apologize because there’s more. Mainly the ‘Covid Enquiry’, which this year was voted number one ‘Christmas Downer’, along with the smell of Brussel sprouts (before and after eating).
But they say the last thing you should lose is hope (and your undies at the office party), so it’s time to take the reindeer by the horns and enjoy what the festive season has to offer! Scrooge Spirit Style!
Start by singing ♫ Feliz Navidad … ♫ while you wait to clear the 3-hour immigration queue to enter Spain, France, Portugal and all other EU countries! Thank you, Brexit!
Next, get your ‘British Museum’ advent calendar. Every window opens to a stolen item some country or other wants back. Spoiler alert: the 25th opens up to the Nativity Scene in front of the Parthenon Marbles.
Great news! No need to buy presents. Climate change has made it OK to recycle gifts! I’ve been doing it for years. In fact, my family has been passing around a Ferrero Rocher box for decades.
As for the wrapping paper, my mom always hoards it and uses it the following year. We used to call her a cheapskate, now she’s a national hero!
Finally, why not poke a hole at all the insufferably idiotic inflatable XMAS Santas in your street? Just to prove that all this Christmas sparkle and joy is just a lot of hot air.
Because if there’s one year when one should NOT feel guilty about indulging in the anti-Christmas spirit, it’s most certainly this one.
With that in mind, I raise my glass and leave you with my favourite (edited) Christmas Carol,
♫ Do you see what I see? A star! A star! Dancing through the night, it’s the alcohol I’m drunk as a skunk! It’s the alcohol I’m drunk as a skunk! ♫
Merry Christmas, everyone. —-
Sonia Aste is a Harvard MBA, Engineer, Meng, and a proud Toastmaster at Riverside Communicators Club. More from her on website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram