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Oh my Dog

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What do you call a world without dogs? A Cat- astrophe! Ha! Ha! I love this joke and laugh every time. Until I think about it and then it’s not so funny. Imagine a world full of cat owners? They can be so … catty! Double Ha! Ha!

Fellow Toastmasters and honored guests, yes, it’s a VALENTINE TRIBUTE TO OUR POOCHES! So, if you’re a cat lover you might want to stop reading and go work on your self-esteem, because as sure as heck your kitty ain’t gonna give it to you. It’s a well-known fact a cat’s main mission in life is to erode your self-worth with floods of rejection.

It’s no joke. Last year a study found that dogs’ eyes evolved to appeal to humans. Another study (mine) revealed cats’ eyes evolved to … judge you. And always find you wanting. Now I’ve been rejected by many people, the last thing I need is to be shunned by an animal.

That’s why I love dogs! Dogs are life’s answer to my lack of self-esteem. Forget stupid advice about ‘having a positive attitude’ or ‘focusing on your achievements’. Sounds like a lot of work for one futile, pointless lifetime.

In contrast, a dog will INSTANTLY make you feel like you are the SUPER-SPECIAL-MOST-IMPORTANT-HUMAN-BEING-IN-THE-UNIVERSE. No ifs, no buts and I don’t even have to ‘embrace my inner love’ or any of that idiotic malarkey. Just dangle the keys in front of your pooch and it turns into American Cheerleader:

TWO! FOUR! SIX! EIGHT! 

WHO DO WE APPRECIATE?

THE HUMAN! THE HUMAN! YEAH! THE HUMAN!

Cats on the other hand (no offence to my Gallic cousins), cats are French.  Show them the keys and they look at you as if to say, ‘I’ll show myself out. It’s called a cat flap you imbecile’.

Now I come from a long line of dog lovers. Ever heard of ‘White Privilege’? Well, that’s dog poo compared to my family’s practice of ‘Dog Privilege’. For example, last Christmas my Dad’s Labrador got a silver-plated collar. Me? I got a shower gel. 

It doesn’t stop there. As Catholics we pray to St. Rocco, the Patron Saint of Dogs, ‘Bless our dogs and deliver us from temptation of ever having a cat’. Ever heard of a patron saint for cats? No. Because cats aren’t Catholic. They have all these lives? We suspect they might be Buddhists.  

Before you judge me as a ‘catist’, someone who believes a particular animal species (dogs) is superior to another (cats), let me tell you about my dog Maki.

Maki is a wise and wonderful ‘Water Dog’, a breed affectionately known as ‘The King of Dreadlocks’. Water Dogs became popular in the Obama administration, as the official ‘White House Dog’. It made history as the first democratically elected Rastafari!

Dog-whistle politics aside, Water dogs need a lot of space. The White House Lawn is perfect, my tiny flat in London is not. My Mum comes over from Spain, looks at the space, looks at the dog, raises her eyebrows as only Madrid mothers can, and says (OK, shouts), ‘That dog is suffering! It belongs in the ‘caserio’ (a big farmhouse). I’m taking the dog back!’ I protest, ‘You can’t do that! It’s MY dog, MY life, MY decision!’

Never disagree with a Spanish mother. It’s like when I tried to argue with the Toastmasters judges about not placing in the contest. Their look of contempt was a direct order to: ‘DROP IT’. 

So, the dog’s back in Spain. But he’s happy! Herding, hunting and enjoying life. Because dogs need to work. Hence the phrase ‘working dog’. Ever heard of a WORKING CAT? No. They’re French. They are permanently on strike.

Finally, almost 8 years into the Brexit-dog-poo-process… I might be barking up the wrong tree but don’t you think the results would have been different if the referendum had included dogs?

Imagine if they said, ‘German shepherds, French Poodles, Spanish Mastiffs – they all have to go back to where they came from!’

Even the most die-hard Brexiteer would have changed their mind and voted for the more compassionate doggy command: ‘STAY’.

Cat people still reading this?  Time to get a dog.  

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Sonia Aste is a Harvard MBA, Engineer, Meng, and a Toastmaster at Riverside Communicators Club.  More from her on website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram.

An Empowerment Story

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I am someone who has always stammered. Stammering is a neurological condition that you are born with, and I always say to people, ‘forget everything you think you know about it’, because there are so many myths.

Now my stammer isn’t very noticeable but it wasn’t always like that.  Looking back, I think that my stammer encouraged me to do well at school and university, essentially to prove people wrong about my abilities.  However, I remember being terrified of reading aloud and avoided public speaking as I had learned to feel ashamed about moments of disfluency. My fear made my speech worse.  Nerves don’t cause stammering but they can make it worse.

As I became more experienced in my subject (I am an economist), I began to lecture. I found myself comfortable as an ‘explainer’, as I could focus on what to say, rather than how I said something.  Being the conduit of information put me in the spotlight in a very passive way.  But as I became more senior, I had to emcee events, and had to actively think about how to engage the audience.

I’d tried various ways to ‘desensitise’ myself: books and online courses.  I’d heard about Toastmasters but only joined in 2017. I remember that first walk to the club – my heart was in my mouth.  Luckily, I bumped into someone else – and that person would continue to be a friend.  Indeed, my 7 years of Toastmasters has been a journey of meeting amazing, inspiring people.

My initial goal had been ‘to dislike public speaking less’.  And of course, somehow the unthinkable happened: I began to really enjoy public speaking.  Toastmasters gave me the space to practice skills that were nothing to do with fluency as such.  So I learnt about speech writing, vocal variety, use of body language etc.  I got to district final in both the international speech and evaluation competitions.  I became a DTM.

More than that I learnt that stammering wouldn’t make me a bad speaker – I can still be eloquent, authentic and connect to the audience.  Toastmasters was so transformational that I wanted to share it.  I sponsored Speechcraft and specifically called for those with speech conditions to come forward.

Over the past decade, in my spare time, I had working on supporting people who stammer in universities through guides, talks and videos.  I began to support STAMMA (the British Stammering Association) who provide amazing services.

Nothing, however, had prepared me for the shock of being awarded an MBE in the 2024 New Years Honours List.  Toastmasters has been so important to my journey – its helped give me the personal confidence to engage effectively.  And its been one of the ways that I’ve tried to support other people who stammer.

Thank you Toastmasters – and thank to you to all the amazing Toasties out there running Speechcraft and taking up club officer roles. You are empowering others through every meeting.

Prof Deborah Johnston (PFHEA) (MBE)
Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic Framework)
London South Bank University

Image credit: Jwslubbock Wikimedia Commons: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:London_South_Bank_University_outside.jpg

2024: Relatively Clean

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2024 is here. Toastmasters are putting the finishing touches on their New Year Resolutions. Each resolution includes a detailed project plan, meticulous milestones and that stubborn self-assurance that makes people dislike us. 

Meanwhile the rest of the world are downloading last year’s list, that will do, thank you very much.

Me? I have one NYR: ‘I will never have my cousin Kathy over again’. Not being petty, but she overstayed her welcome … after the first minute! She took one look at my flat and instantly began praising the merits of decluttering and housecleaning, which she claimed had helped her succeed and create the life she wanted.

I thought how boring! In my fantasy life I want a male stripper cleaning up after me, but I didn’t interrupt her tidy enthusiasm, thinking she would leave it at that.

But no, she’s American and has never encountered the words, ‘subtle’ or ‘polite’. She turns to me and says, ‘Your New Year’s resolution HAS to be to clean this place up! It’s a dump!’   

She continues, claiming a grubby home affects all aspects of your life, including finances and sex. I’m not sure how that works, unless bank interest rates are linked to airing your dirty laundry? As for sex, add the word ‘clean’ to it and it begins to sound like a chore.

To my utter horror she hands me a copy of ‘The Life–Changing Magic of Tidying’ (Best Seller – 13 million copies sold) and says ‘This book will change your life’. Well, it definitely changed our friendship. 

I felt like giving her ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Minding Your Own Business’ (Best Seller by Sonia Aste – Gazillion Copies Sold), but I haven’t written it yet. So instead, I just complained about her to my sister, which is a lot easier. I kept thinking, ‘Two more weeks with this condescending cleaning freak?’

I’m not going to lie, there’s been a couple of ‘minor incidents’ related to being untidy. Like when a box of books fell from the top of the closet causing a slight concussion (OK, two stiches). Or the time I lost my purse, cancelled all my credit cards in a panic only to find it behind the vodka bottles.

In contrast, Kathy’s house is hyper clean and tidy. It’s so clean the ‘white glove’ test wouldn’t be allowed, unless she washed it first. This is a woman that washes her Fairy Liquid bottle! In her house even Mr. Muscle has self-doubts.

The thing is she enjoys it. I’ve heard her proclaim, ‘Housecleaning gives me a sense of accomplishment’. Accomplishment?! That’s like people that love doing their tax returns! Surely something went seriously wrong with their DNA sequence. 

Besides, cleaning is sooo overrated! Look at rhinos mating. They don’t let a little mud stop them from getting on with the job, proving Kathy’s spotless suggestions just muddy the waters of pleasure.

Now take my great aunt Carmen. Her house is not yet, ‘Hoarders, Buried Alive’, but it’s in the mail. ‘Junk’ mail that is. Nevertheless, I love visiting her because she’s living proof that happiness has nothing to do with your home looking like the ‘Immaculate Conception’. (I was raised a Catholic – trust me that’s clean.)

What if I have to clutter-surf to get to her toilet? There’s comfort knowing there’s enough loo rolls for every backside in the world and sufficient bars of soap to clean at least one Glastonbury festival goer.

My great aunt went through the Spanish Civil war, so all that ‘stuff’ reassures her and gives her joy. She hoards items that were scarce in those years, like coffee, olive oil, hand grenades. A little scary, but no more terrifying than Kathy plastic coating her Chesterfield sofa ‘So it doesn’t get dirty’.

Maybe it’s just a matter of finding a middle ground. Somewhere that’s comfortable, but still leaves you with joy and happiness. Something like, ‘Keep my home relatively clean’. I’ve already started on this NYR. As a first step I’m throwing away things I don’t need. First to go ‘‘The Life–Changing Magic of Tidying’ (13 million copies sold). Minus one.

Happy New Year.

 

Sonia Aste is a Harvard MBA, Engineer, Meng, and a proud Toastmaster at Riverside Communicators Club.  More from her on website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

Thanks Toastmasters! Mr & Mrs DTM

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Debs

I joined Toastmasters as I wanted to be able to deliver presentations to develop my own business. I was very shy and nervous at the first meeting but was made to feel very welcome. My determination to make progress led me to be one of the founder members and I soon started to take up officer roles.  I have been helped by many people, but Kit offered to mentor me beyond the first few speeches and his experience was invaluable and he was so generous with his time, with me and many others. He encouraged and supported me as President and then the Area Director. Oddly, there was no spark between us – just two people helping each other. That support became much more on the break-up of my marriage, with Kit standing by me through a serious mental health crisis. Clearly Kit is an active listener as he got the message and proposed to me a couple of days after risking death whilst white water rafting in Canada. I should have used the wedding planning as an HPL project, but the outcome was better than a DTM, it was a new start to my life with someone who cherishes me.

Kit

As a 25-year TM veteran my greatest pleasure of membership comes from helping members and seeing them grow. Debs’ confidence clearly grew as she worked her way through the old “Competent Communicator” programme. As her mentor I then encouraged her and guided her through leadership opportunities: club officer roles, area director and her high-performance leadership project. One of my favourite memories is co-presenting a workshop on mentoring at a division TLI with Debs. Much of this was done while working and living in Qatar, and president of a club in Doha. Getting up at 5 to fly back for our Basingstoke club meetings was a bit of a drag. What I had paid forward came back with interest following the break-up of my marriage in the form of Debs support for me. The years of friendship through our TM membership formed a solid foundation on which we built a life partnership. However, there was one speech I was not allowed to help with: her bride speech.