The Laughing Toastmaster

The Laughing Toastmaster: All You Need is LIKES. Love in the Age of Social Media

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Love in the Age of Social Media

When my boyfriend asked me what I wanted for Valentine’s Day I didn’t hesitate, ‘Can you get all your office colleagues to LIKE my page’?

Yes Toastmasters, it has come to this, I don’t want to be loved, I want to be LIKED. Boyfriend can send cards and flowers, but that won’t make me feels as loved as 50 new LIKES. As the Beatles’ song would say now, ‘LIKE, LIKE me do’.

This isn’t me talking. Experts say social media is changing our concept of love and in the future our self-worth will be measured by the number LIKES, FOLLOWS, FRIENDED and LITTLEHEARTS we get. Guess I’m just ahead of the times! With 7.63 billion people in the world, the opportunities are endless!

Of course, many people moan and say it’s the end of romance and that getting an e-card is like drinking decaf coffee, you don’t feel anything and it’s sad. Millennials on the other hand will cry, ‘You want a PAPER card?’ and accuse you of personally destroying the Amazon, the forests, the eco-system, the planet, the universe, the future, their livelihood, the-possibility-of-ever-buying-a-home-I-resent-you … you old fogey.

Being an old fogey myself (defined as someone who still uses Facebook), I admit it’s difficult for these youngsters-doomed-to-live-with-mum-for-the-rest-of-their-lives…to comprehend what went on in ‘fogey times’.

  • When ‘strong or weak’ did not refer to passwords, but traits of your future husband.
  • A hashtag (#) was the first step to playing Ticktacktoe, not a way to communicate with as little effort as possible. #IluvU
  • Click-through Rate (CTR) was how many times your husband changed channels on the TV remote control and Conversion Rate (CR) was strictly for religions.
  • If you FOLLOWED someone it was stalking and GOING VIRAL was a pandemic waiting to happen.
  • Lastly, a HANDLE was attached to a door and PLATFORMS were reserved for 1970 shoes.

Please understand, I’m not against social media, on the contrary! I believe it comes with love-enhancing opportunities that us ‘old fogeys’ would have relished!

Let’s start with dating. Remember those blind dates your well-meaning friends hooked you up with? The date would turn up with the personality of an amoeba and more dandruff than a tax inspector? Then it turned out he WAS a tax inspector? Now you can google them to death and then check Tinder, Grinder and REMINDER to swipe them left. Forever.

Equally reassuring are ‘dinner dates’ which today consist of sharing pics of your Deliveroo while texting ‘Yummy’. What a relief not to worry about stupid chit chat or having to drown your burps while eating that enchilada.

Remember those love letters people wrote? (Ok, I wrote). So long and convoluted they made War and Peace look like a Tweet? Such a waste of time! I never got any action anyway. Nowadays just send an inappropriate pic of yourself and you’re in!

Then there’s the ‘Wedding Scene’. Gone are the days when you picked the bridesmaids because they were your friends. Now you choose them because they’re photogenic. No budget for your wedding? No worries! Get married in front of a green screen background and post a Bahamas wedding! Because what’s important are not the vows, but … you guessed it, the LIKES. Never mind your honeymoon includes sending round-the-clock pics to your 801,702 followers, because if you don’t post, it’s like it never happened. Today Descartes would claim, ‘I POST, therefore I am’.

Now you’re married and it’s all about ‘puppy love’. Not that pimply, prepubescent love of yesteryear. Today it’s about your puppy in a Cupid Costume with hubby and you in the background kissing. #AdorablyCute. A billion LIKES!

Finally, its break-up time, better known as #HateUDivorceU. Millennials have it so easy! No more awkward moments when friends you had as a couple have to pick sides and say things like, ‘Let’s stay in touch!’ and never talk to you again. Social Media allows you to take the initiative and DEFRIEND, DELETE, DEFOLLOW, DE-LINK, DEHANDLE, DECLINE. #NeverLikedYouAnyway

What a LIKE-able time to live!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to target the 7.63 billion people in the world, starting with the 280,000 Toastmasters in 144 countries who I’m hoping will LIKE, FOLLOW, FRIEND and LITTLEHEART me back.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sonia Aste is an engineer, writer and comedian. She’s a Toastmaster and member at Riverside Communicators Club.
More from Sonia on her website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

The Laughing Toastmaster: New Year’s Resolution: Enough is Enough!

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I still have a massive hangover. It’s not my fault! I didn’t invent the ‘All-You-Can-Drink-Marathon’ that sums up December. Yes, I drank too much, ate like an ‘oink-oink’ and spent so much money on ‘auto-gifts’ (gifts for myself) that Santa charged me for excess baggage.

How did this happen?! I’m a Toastmaster! I’m supposed to have self-control, self-discipline…some willpower? Well, I don’t. It appears my will power reserves are as empty as my bank account.

Now before you raise your eyebrows in polite disapproval, let me state that I was not alone. Millions of people around the world partied so hard it made Bacchus look like a teetotaller. Who can blame us? There is so much NOT to look forward to. The climate crisis, the cost-of-living crisis, the not-over-yet-corona-crisis. Even those who don’t like alcohol (due to some deficiency in their DNA) had a drink!

As they say, ‘Escapism is best served with a MOJITO’.

But all good escapisms must come to an end and it’s time to face depressing, dreary, downcast January. I’m miserable! My dog’s miserable! Everyone’s miserable! Even positive people (aren’t they exhausting?) are going around with smiles as fake as my Gucci bag.

Why is it that on the gloomiest month of the year we decide to start resolutions? Surely that’s not good for our wellbeing. Recent studies show that only 2% of people who made New Year’s resolutions are successful! So, on top of feeling miserable, 98% of us will also end up feeling like total failures. It’s enough to drive you to drink! Except one of the main NYR is not to drink!

In fact, the top 4 most common resolutions are:

  1. Exercise More
  2. Lose Weight
  3. Drink Less
  4. Live Life to the Fullest

And there lies the problem! NYR are incompatible! Because dragging yourself to a swampy, sweaty gym, eating kale and quinoa (yuck!) and drinking H2O in pure form is certainly NOT living life to the fullest. It’s Living Life to the Dullest.

What can we do? Well, I’ve done some research and if you take a look at the five billion self-help books out there, watch the three trillion TED Talks and pay the £1000 an hour life coaches, they all say the same thing. If you want to achieve fulfilment and happiness, you have to accept yourself as you are. You need to say:

I AM ENOUGH.

Wow! Is that all?? What a relief! It’s not me that has to change! It’s other people who are NOT ENOUGH that need to take on those New Year Resolutions.

And who are these people? Well, I’m sure you all have your favourites, but here are my top 10 (in no particular order).

NYR for those who are NOT ENOUGH

  1. OFFSHORE ACCOUNT HOLDERS: will deport themselves to their respective off-shores until they do the honourable thing and start paying taxes here.
  1. TRAFFIC WARDENS: will add a 5 second grace period before issuing a parking ticket.
  1. MYSOGENIST: will be required to wear pantyhose. Forever.
  1. SOMMELIERS: will stop asking me to do their job by tasting the wine. Save me the embarrassment of saying, ‘ahhh … lovely’ without knowing what I am taking about.
  1. DENTISTS: will stop charging an arm and a leg for a tiny tooth.
  1. OVERLY POSITIVE PEOPLE: Will be fined. Heavily.
  1. WESTMINSTER: will stop using tax payers’ money to eat and drink. Take a Tupperware lunch and spiked coffee in a thermos like everybody else.
  1. ROADWORKS: will need to get written permission from everyone who is planning to use that road before commencing. No exceptions.
  1. INLAND REVENUE: any money given back to the tax payer due to an error on your part will include interest and a ‘We’re sorry’ card. Flowers would be a nice touch too.
  1. TOASTMASTER JUDGES: will need to have entered 100 competitions (and lost at least 50) to be able to ‘judge’ what we competitors go through.

Toastmasters and honoured friends, enough is enough! This year remind yourself YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH, ditch those stupid NYR and replace them with a list for those who ARE NOT.

Have a great 2023.

She’s a Toastmaster and member at Riverside Communicators Club.
More from Sonia on her website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

The Laughing Toastmaster: Team Player? Depends on the Team

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The Laughing Toastmaster: Are You a Team Player? It Depends on the Team! A new illness is sweeping through the corporate world causing havoc and creating what experts call ‘angry job desertion’. ‘I quit! You know why they call it teamwork? Because it’s a lot of work!’ Known as TPSD (Team Player Stress Disorder), symptoms include shortness … Read more