A Cantankerous Christmas Carol

by

How’s your Christmas looking? If it’s full of sparkle and joy, please stop reading this and go sing Mariah Carey’s, ♫ All I want for Xmas is youuuuu …♫

If, on the other hand, you’re muttering, ♫All I want for Xmas is youuuuu … to shut up already with that festive cheer! ♫ this article is for you! I aim to provide top, tinselly tips, so that die-hard Scrooges (like me) can feel fully justified on being anti-Christmas!

Let’s face it, it’s been a tough year. We’ve had the cost-of-living crisis (on going), the housing crisis (on going), the Brexit-mess-crisis (all but forgotten). The plethora of strikes these past months has taken ‘industrial action’ to an industrial scale! Not to mention the government’s re-re-re-shuffle, which is like the child’s game of musical chairs, but with more tears and tantrums.

If that wasn’t enough, we face the festive season with its ‘forced to be happy’ mandate and its stupid songs that are downright deceitful!

Case example, ♫ Santa Clause is coming to Town♫

Not anymore, he’s not. Not with immigration at an all-time peak. Even if he applies for a working visa, it’s gonna take ages to process. Plus, don’t the reindeer have to go into some kind of quarantine?

Which leads to, ♫ Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer … ? ♫

Red nose? I hope it’s not Rhinophyma (aka ‘whisky nose’) and a case of drink-driving. That would be a PR disaster for Santa. Not only would Rudolph have to attend the drink-driving rehabilitation (DDRS) course (they clearly accept all kinds of animals), but children would miss out on their gifts.

Not that kids care anymore. Most of them pretend to believe in Santa so their parents won’t start crying. You tell a child, ‘Be good or Santa won’t bring you anything’, they’ll answer, ‘I’ve already ordered it through Amazon’.

Nothing is sacred! Remember those captivating Christmas carols we used to sing? Well millennials claim they’re as outdated as sending Hallmark cards (which, BTW, destroy the other Amazon).

Take, ♫ Frosty the Snowman, was a very happy guy! ♫ Today he’s having a major meltdown due to global warming.

Or, ♫ We Three Kings of Orient are, following a yonder star ♫ Following a star? For goodness sakes guys, wise-up and get a satnav.

As for Justin Bieber’s ♫ Mistletoe ♫ It’s going to be banned. Too many unwanted kisses. #MistleToo

If this sounds a bit un-Christmassy, I apologize because there’s more. Mainly the ‘Covid Enquiry’, which this year was voted number one ‘Christmas Downer’, along with the smell of Brussel sprouts (before and after eating).

But they say the last thing you should lose is hope (and your undies at the office party), so it’s time to take the reindeer by the horns and enjoy what the festive season has to offer! Scrooge Spirit Style!

Start by singing ♫ Feliz Navidad … ♫ while you wait to clear the 3-hour immigration queue to enter Spain, France, Portugal and all other EU countries! Thank you, Brexit!

Next, get your ‘British Museum’ advent calendar. Every window opens to a stolen item some country or other wants back. Spoiler alert: the 25th opens up to the Nativity Scene in front of the Parthenon Marbles.

Great news! No need to buy presents. Climate change has made it OK to recycle gifts! I’ve been doing it for years. In fact, my family has been passing around a Ferrero Rocher box for decades.

As for the wrapping paper, my mom always hoards it and uses it the following year. We used to call her a cheapskate, now she’s a national hero!

Finally, why not poke a hole at all the insufferably idiotic inflatable XMAS Santas in your street? Just to prove that all this Christmas sparkle and joy is just a lot of hot air.

Because if there’s one year when one should NOT feel guilty about indulging in the anti-Christmas spirit, it’s most certainly this one.

With that in mind, I raise my glass and leave you with my favourite (edited) Christmas Carol,

♫ Do you see what I see? A star! A star! Dancing through the night, it’s the alcohol I’m drunk as a skunk! It’s the alcohol I’m drunk as a skunk! ♫

Merry Christmas, everyone. —-

Sonia Aste is a Harvard MBA, Engineer, Meng, and a proud Toastmaster at Riverside Communicators Club.  More from her on website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram

We are Amazing

by

It has been only 10 days since our Toastmasters District D91 experienced the exhilarating Div A Autumn Conference in Southampton. This full-day event brought the Toastmasters community together for a day of speeches, learning, and laughter, showcasing the talent and camaraderie that defines our vibrant community.

The morning kicked off with infectious laughter during the Div A Humorous Speech Contest. Contest Chair Alex Spencer-Hill skilfully orchestrated the proceedings, creating an atmosphere of joy and camaraderie. The improvisation skills of our Table Topics contestants, crafting inspiring and entertaining masterpieces prompted by Alex, left us in awe. The impeccable Chief Judge, DTM Barbara Saph, a Past Div A Director, led a team of impartial and incorruptible judges and functionaries, ensuring the smooth flow of the event. Master of Ceremonies Matt Roseblade, dipped in his Stand-Up Comedy background, using his art to dissipate tension and infuse the conference with energy. Hamwic Speakers played a pivotal role in supporting this event held in beautiful Southampton and only the support of Dave Collins, our Hybrid Coordinator, and George Wellers, Area A1 Director made it possible to run a meeting so smoothly, not to mention the incredibly experienced and always helpful Kit Barrit.

The quality of the contests soared, a testament to the fierce competition seen in the earlier Area Contests and reinforcing Division A’s #Amazing reputation. Congratulations again to Philip West, from Northavon Speakers (Winner of the Division A Humourous speech Contest) and Carol Bausor, from Shilling Speakers (Winner of the Div A Table Topics Contest), who will represent our Division at the District Conference, on the 3-5 May 2024 in Bristol, another pearl of our division.

Moreover, true icing on the cake was DTM Pedro Casillas double workshop about Table topics where we all learned how to deal with fear and how to deliver better Table topic Evaluations.
As we reflect on this successful conference, let us look ahead to upcoming events. The Toastmasters Leadership Institute on January 13th promises to be a valuable opportunity for learning and growth. Mark your calendars for the Div Spring Conference on March 23rd, where we will hold our International Speech and Evaluation Contests. Encourage members to step up as contestants or volunteer for a role- would you like to be our next Chief Judge or Contest Chair? Get in touch!

In the spirit of Toastmasters, let us continue to learn, grow, and support each other on our public speaking journeys. The success of the Div A Autumn Conference is a testament to the strength and vitality of our community, and the best is yet to come.

Andy Righi
Division A Director 2023-24

First Time Hosting

by

TJXpressions hosted the Table Topics and Humorous speech contests for Area 61 last month. This is the first time that we have organised a contest to be held at our premises which was really exciting. We proposed the idea to the committee a few months ago and off the back of this we had a small enthusiastic team from TJXpressions alongside representatives from the Area council planning the contest.

Whilst this was the first time that TJX would be holding a contest, it was also the first time for the TJX representatives organising a contest so this was all new to us! I have competed in contests previously and supported by filling various roles at contests, but this was my first opportunity taking on the role of Contest Chair. I can now share how naïve I was when it came to realising the number of considerations and logistical arrangements that need to be ticked off when planning a contest. It has given me a greater awareness and admiration of the depth of event planning that is required to run a Toastmasters contest.

On a more personal note, stepping up as Contest Chair was definitely a push outside of my comfort zone and I reaped the benefits of this. Taking on the role of contest chair helps with building your own skillset around event-planning, hosting and networking. I thought the most challenging part for me would be hosting but in the end it was actually the organisation in the run up to the event. I relied heavily on the support of the contest team and it’s vital to remember that successful contest planning cannot fall to just one individual. Your team is there to help you, lean on them when you need guidance or if you are feeling stretched with the workload. 

We publicised the event within our company and we have had several interested guests come forward ever since. It was great to build awareness of the club through this contest and to have this as a showcase for TJXpressions to demonstrate the vast offering of the club. Like most things, contest planning is the most challenging when you’re doing it for the first time. But now we are aware of what the process should look like and have learnt from any takeaways/feedback, we know that we have all the tools and connections needed to ensure we could run another Area contest successfully.

I kept reminding myself that the most important thing was to make sure that I enjoyed the contest on the night and that I didn’t let any planning stresses get in the way of this. It’s crucial to embrace an event which is a celebration of excellent public speaking skills and it also avoids undermining the efforts that went into making sure this contest went ahead. Ultimately these events are the pinnacle of displaying our local speaking talent and it supports them with their development journey. With teamwork, past learnings and enthusiasm for our Area members’ growth, I’m confident that TJX could run another successful contest in the future.

Victoria Evans
President, TJXpressions

On the twelfth day of Christmas

by

‘On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love……’ OK, OK: I will save you the Christmas songs, but I did warn you in my video message of last month that I do love a bit of Christmas and at the time of writing I am but days away from getting my Christmas cushions out of the cupboard and my finger hovering over my Christmas play list on Spotify.

Contests

We have now seen the conclusion of our Division level contests throughout the District and so we now the finalists who will compete to become District champions at our conference in May next year. I want to take this opportunity to thank all those members who played an important part in the success of all the contests from the club, area, and Division level. Special thanks are due to the Division Directors who worked collaboratively together to ensure the best possible events. They certainly showcased some high standard of speakers – well done everyone.

Club Officer Training

The next round of club officer training has started so committee members will soon start to see the district calendar fill up with lots of opportunity to be trained. Remember that not only does training offer a fantastic chance to be supported and learn in your role, attendance of 4 or more offices contributes to a point in the distinguished club program if this is the second time clubs have sent four officers along.

Don’t forget that the 7×7 incentive is still very much active! If 7 officers (must be a minimum of 6 individuals) attend for the first time the club receives a set of Toastmasters club officer pins. If clubs have already done this in the first round, then they will be eligible to claim £60 for their clubs.

Between the 13th and 24th November, we ran our second round of Corporate Club officer training where no less than 104 officers qualified for their credit. I would like to thank all those that played a part in either providing training or for offering their services as Zoom masters.

2024 conference

I know our Conference Director, Amy Jones DTM is very keen to provide an update for you, so instead I will just refer to the event by thanking Amy and her team for all the amazing efforts so far.

Educational Awards

Many congratulations to those members who have worked to achieve more than 400 educational awards since the start of this year. We look forward to sharing with you more information about the changes to the Pathways LMS system when it becomes available in the new year.

I hope that you all get to enjoy some rest over the Christmas period, and may I wish you a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Steve Vear
Program Quality Director 2023-24